So what did I do on Australia Day (26th January)? After a long and intoxicating night of Karaoke at Mamba down on Sussex St., I woke up at about 4pm because of Serena panicking at the sound of someone knocking on my balcony sliding doors.

It was my brother equipped with a broom sweeping up the balcony and accidentally hitting the doors. It was less of a oops-sorry-to-wake-you kind of whack and seemed a lot more like a wake-up-and-help-me-you-lazy-prick kind.

I got up and grabbed a bucket – Me and my brother cleaned up the balcony for about 2 hours. I then was called to help a friend move stuff to his new house which (seeing as I am such a nice guy) me and Serena gladly obliged to. This took about an hour.

Did I mention it was actually our 1 month anniversary today? Hah, well, tired as hell we headed over to Bondi Junction for a Japanese dinner I had planned. Parking inside Westfield meant we had to walk a bit to get to the restaurant… Which was closed when we got there. F-M-L.

We finally ate at another Japanese restaurant nearby and had a feast.

As bad a day as it seemed, I got to spend the whole day with my girlfriend, which ultimately was what I wanted to do for our anniversary (even though we didn’t get to do anything that much special).

Happy Anniversary, dear

…Sorry, no photos – I am getting less cam-whore-y these days…

Waking up at 8AM is bad. But had to go pick up Sonia from the airport yesterday so I guess it was only necessary. After this we journeyed north to pick up Gizmo. Now, if you don’t know who Gizmo is then you’ll find out soon (or you can click here).

After an hours drive, we finally arrived at the “Triple Crown Pet Resort” – How classy does that sound?

Lots of space for the dogs to run and play. I’m sure Gizmo had fun.

Gizmo is one fat ass now. And his fur has grown back so he looks pretty poodle-y now too. Still love him to bits though.

Look at how his fringe covers his eyes… Gizmo is an emo dog into alternative and indy music.

On the way back we spotted a warehouse selling fruits and vegetables named Mango One. Out this far from the city, the prices were so low I just couldn’t resist.

I bought myself 3 mangoes and… A LOT of cherries.

Yup, the two boxes filled this salad bowl up. Sorry about the blurness, I didn’t realize how blur it was. Lack of lighting when I took this photo.

The moment we got home, Gizmo had his bath. Note the intensity in his eyes as he sits for his treat.

Welcome home, Gizmo!

Mmm.. Time for some cherries…

After browsing some Facebook photos I have to say, I am a very mean person when I am sober. Then I get drunk and start posing. This is a quick post to highlight the discovery of a new species of drunk: The Poser Drunk. This is a quick guide to identifying a Poser Drunk.

Pre-High Stage: Evil mode.

When I walk into the room, my drunk-radar switches on. I rush to the drunkest person I can find and snap a photo of me with them. This is where I exploit my power of condescending on these victims (who are usually not drunk and instead just have good blood circulation).

I began the night taking a photo with the two-drink-tomato, Kawing

Later on in the night, still pretty sober, I found another victim. I don’t know what pose Andrew Tan is doing

I followed this photo up with some pretty strong stuff. This ofcourse led to the malfunctioning of my radar and the Post-High stage

Post-High Stage: Poser mode.

During the Pre-High Stage, you may have noticed how I have my fingers pointing at my victims or the surroundings in an attempt to show my “superiority” in soberness. This is in actual fact, a cover-up of me warming up for The Cowboy Pose mode.What is this Cowboy Pose you may ask? A move that requires precision and accuracy that can only be acquired with constant training and vigilence: You place one arm around another person in a shot as if to hold them hostage; then, with your other hand, create what can be recognized as a guns (revolvers would be recommended, anything larger might make you look stupid); and finally you point this gun at them as if they really were your hostage.

Eddy and I. Note how my right arm holds him so that he cannot get away as my revolver threatens him to not do anything funny

As the night passes, I take more drinks and Poser mode goes to another level. I take Kay Chong as my 2nd hostage and in this photo you can actually see my other hand evolving into my second revolver

Here I am, guns ablazing. You can literally see the fear in Nee Kee’s face as he silently cries for help.

I then sober up a bit and decide to keep my hands out of the shot to avoid taking photos with the same pose hence the lack of fear in Yin Yi’s face

Drunk Stage: Over Poser Mode.

Some idiot then buys more jugs and I hit the point of no return

My pose reaches new limits with my hand now wielding a gun instead of being shaped as one. I have reached the highest level of posing where I have now assumed I am a model and will try to look like what I have seen in magazines. My body bends slightly, just as a model I saw in the newspaper of some model (probably female, crap). Eddy gives me a taste of my own medicine both condescending me and Cowboy Posing me.

Hence ends the guide to identifying a Poser Drunk.

Hope you enjoyed the post – It was a fun night for me and my last alcoholic night before I left Malaysia. Cheers.

Thanks for the photos: Yen, Mabel and Yinyi.

For those who have been tagged, it wasn’t for marketing purposes. It was cause of a tiny little shoutout for you at the bottom of the post. Sorry if it was spam!

(The Day the Earth Stood Still a.k.a James’ Last Day in Malaysia). Day is defined as counting up 24 hours till my flight (10.40 PM on Sunday, 20th December)

On Saturday night I headed over to Pan Bakery to say my good byes to The Keeper, Ellie, Kwong Heng, Joe, Khye, Kenny Tan, and Kenny Wong. It was a very unplanned thing but meant a lot to me. Thanks for coming you guys – Goodbyes whether in hugs, handshakes or just words are always important to me.

However, this yumcha session was pretty much killed by Ellie’s suggestion to play Basketball early the next morning leading the pack to all go home for a good night’s rest. I would also like to add that I never got a goodbye hug, handshake or wish from Ellie in person (don’t worry she makes up for it later in the story).

Ellie taking a photo of Kenny Tan and Joe

Khye being mysterious and sexy

Please focus your attention to Joe. HAHA.

A purposely over-photoshoped photo of The Keeper.

It was good that I had plans at Bangsar after with the Sydney kaki as it was Maku’s blow-cake session for his birthday. I went over to Bangsar Shopping Complex at WIP to meet with Marcus, Chew, Kenneth, Daryl, Krystle (and her Ozzie-accented cousin), E Guy and Afiq. Due to the alcohol overload from the night before, I was seen sipping my ice water in the corner. It was your normal cake-blowing session but getting to see all of the Sydney Kaki and the people I have met this trip just had to be done.

Daryl and my not-so-artistic shot playing with the new camera (which I have dubbed Ixy).

My new girlfriend (Ixy)’s twin sister. Oh and Krystle in the background.

A lot more delicious than it looks.

“My lips like sugar…” Chew

Look at Marcus‘ smile. Such a happy little boy. Happy Birthday, bro! Hope you’re glad I could be back for it. Please enjoy my Breathalyzer birthday present!

The next day I went for another Yumcha session in the afternoon with Nee Kee, Kwong Heng, Euvern and Joe. Again, you guys are awesome for coming and keeping with my traditional send off. It was good to recap the holiday with you guys and talk about all the random crap we usually talk about. Thanks for sticking by my side all this time!

After that, a homecooked meal with the family (which I forgot to take a photo of) and a rush to the airport.

Ellie was my SMS-mate during the last few hours of emo-ness before I boarded the plane. Thank you so much, dear.

This is officially the last thing I ate in Malaysia: A Sardine Roll and Ice Lemon Tea.

Once again, I bid farewell to my friends and family.

Shoutouts go out to all the awesome friends:

• Aileen “Soft-Nose” Lim
• Alvin “The Keeper” Lam
• Andrew “Drunkard” Tan
• Angel “Damn-fierce-wan” Chen
• Chin “Tie-Losing” LY
• Daryl “Ehhhhhhh” Soh
• Ellie “Really-MissyCheerio” Chee
• Eugene “Pokerface” Quah
• Euvern “I-can’t-get-it-up” Koay
• Hanis “Kambing” O’Hara
• Jaclyn “Tiny Girl” Choo
• Joe “Sexy Kantam” Ong
• Jon “Orange” D’Cruz
• Juliana “Tai Ka Che” Loh
• Kenny “Kewo” Wong
• Kah Kiat “Sneakers” Chan
• Kawing “Turban” Li
• Kay “Mahjong-God” Chong
• “Kenettttt” Chen
• Kenny “K Z E R ø” Tan
• Kenny “Working-Man” Hew
• Kevin “Emo-Sober-but-Happy-Drunk” Chan
• Kwong Heng “Way too many nicknames” Tang
• Marcus “Taikoh” Moi
• Melanie “Whateveeerrrrr” Loh
• Racheal “Still-damn-fierce” Tan
• See “Rainbow” Nee Kee
• SK “Korean” Siew
• Thee “Sunglasses” Khye
• Tracy “:)” Tan
• “Uncle” Wai Hing
• Vinson “Skinnies” Tam
• Wai “Never Change” King
• William “Never-Age” Loh
• Yen Yen “Not-so-innocent” Goh

Also, shoutouts to the people I met this trip that I can’t yet give nicknames to:

• Afiq
• April
• Chelsea
• E Guy (Good luck in your future ‘ventures’)
• Eddie/Eddy
• Isabel
• Krystle (You have the hottest camera ever)
• Mabel
• Yinyi

See you soon. Trust me… Real soon.

Just got back from Genting and decided to do a quick update. Pretty much a guys night out with Joe, Kwong Heng, Wai Hing, Choon Yeah and Kenny Tan. Since it rained just before we drove up, it was very (very) misty. Visibility conditions were extremely poor and we could hardly see a thing outside.

This was what we could see. Apologies for the blurness, it was a bumpy ride.

After that frightening ride up, Starbucks was packed so we headed for the arcades while Joe and Wai Hing went to gamble in the Casino. It must also be mentioned that we gave them pooled money to bet on the average of our combined birthdays on roulette – Failed! Thanks, Wai Hing.

At the arcades, the only thing really worth mentioning would be Kwong Heng’s winnings. Little kids, look away for you will be scared.

Gangster protecting his chick (appropriately named Baby)

Me taking my undang (driving exam).

After that, we returned to Starbucks and got our seats. This was when we were told of Joe and Wai Hing’s success stories and played Dai Dee.

Joe’s post-winning face. Looks like some other kind of face though. Maybe the Spiderman face?

Although I lacked the photos (guys just don’t camwhore), it was a great night. Kenny imitating Rocky (in front of everyone); Choon Yeah shivering his butt off; Joe spending on us; Kwong Heng & his Baby; and Wai Hing… just being Wai Hing.

I will end this post with what will hopefully get you in the Christmas spirit, because it definitely got me. The decorations at Highlands Hotel:

This was probably my first weekend I am actually free since I came back to Malaysia for holidays as I was pretty busied up with my brother’s wedding. This weekend, I was able to meet up with lots of my ex-Sydney mates and some of their friends too.

Friday was our fail pub-hopping from Tom, Dick & Harry to Sid’s Pub in Taman Tun. Got to meet up with Kenneth, Daryl, Yen Yen, SK, Kevin and Marcus along with Krystle for the first time. Kwong Heng, Nee Kee and Captain Seng Keat joined up later too. I hate how my first impression to Krystle was “WHAT?! YOU HAVE THE SAME CAMERA THAN ME (in red too)!?” I hope she won’t judge me. Table talk included all of the old stories and also some new “education”.

Little kids, press page down a couple of times. You have been warned.

(Take note that the below may also be a little offensive)

One of our conversations strayed to kinky disgusting sex moves. Of these, we discussed the Dirty Sanchez, the Angry Dragon and the Spiderman. And yes, as a good Samaritan, I will share my knowledge with those that do not know what these are.Note that they are all described from the male perspective of sexual intercourse.

The Spiderman was described as: when you are about to finish off, walk away to ruin the moment, then turn back and (while doing the Spiderman fingers) finish off on her face (I think). Now, I laughed at just picturing this. However, I searched online and apparently the real definition is a lot funnier.

When a girl is going down on you, and just before you climax you pull out of her mouth and nut in your own hand. Then fling the jism in her face, as you jump to your feet, making sure to properly mimic Spidey’s web slinging hand motions. Now stand in a position of bravery, and power like any superhero would. Be sure not to react when she yells at you. Stand tall and proud, not too many guys get the chance to do that these days.

Source: Urban Dictionary

Priceless.

Just could not resist Photoshoping Mr. Happy-Cat on.

The Angry Dragon was another funny move. We were told that when finishing off during a blowjob, you smack the back of the girl’s head to make your load come out of her nose. This move has been named so because when she gets up with all that dribbling from her nose, she’s gonna look like one very angry dragon.

This move will likely give you the wife-beater label so try it at your own risk. As mean as it sounds though, it’s still hilarious. Please don’t mention feminist issues because I do acknowledge how very male-chauvinistic these ’sex moves’ are.

The Dirty Sanchez is something a lot worse than either of these moves and would probably make you sick to your stomach. Hence, to avoid scaring visitors away, you can take a read at Wikipedia.

A search on Google also got me lots more weird sexual acts. Check them out here.

End of possibly offensive and 18SX stuff

I have some dirty friends. But I guess that’s also the most entertaining kind.

Photos from the night are below. They are also avid cam-whores and posers. Tsk tsk.

This was pretty much my Friday night dinner. Was delicious – Until people starting cracking up jokes relating French Fries to male appendages… Kids!

I miss my $7.00 Snake Bites in Sydney.

Me and Yen Yen are actually posing. Kevin wants his spotlight.

I don’t know what Daryl and Yen Yen are doing. Kenneth seems be simulating a pirate, I think.

Me and Yen Yen. My shirt title: Rock Out With Your Cock Out (note the Rooster on the right)

Palat! (Inside joke)

That famous curious pose of mine…

Retired gangsters of Sydney, Kenneth and Daryl - Still trying.

Krystle and emoboy Kevin

After the Photoshoping, I thought this photo looked pretty good.

“Om gonna turn moi lyfe araund.” – Kenneth

Few comments on the photos:

• I have no idea why all the photos with Marcus and SK in them are blurry.
• A lot of the photos lack in quality and are grainy – Still getting used to the camera!
• Why are there so many photos of Kenneth?!

Thursday began with a trip down to Digital Mall with my old buddy Joe. The objective was to purchase a digital camera to replace my beloved DSLR (I miss you, Pentax) – Which I did. Below is a test shot taken by the lady setting up my new camera. I have fallen prey to the evil clutches of Canon.

Thanks for coming, Joe! In return I shall put up your cheeky ass photo.

At night we basically had a poker and drinks session. Was a very chilled out thing with Kwong Heng, Kenny Hew, Ellie, Alvin, Aileen, Jaclyn, Euvern, Fernie, and Tracy (and her other half + family!).

It was pretty fun. Socializing with people I didn’t know and catching up with people I already knew. I wish I had photos of the Foosball games we were having, but Uncle Euvern said the Foosball table was off limits.

Pretty neat shot by either Alvin or Ellie (everyone was playing with my camera)

Just another game of poker.

I brought Ellie’s colouring book. Look at that smile!

The beautiful Jaclyn with a sore throat – Still smiling for the camera. Kich with his enthusiasm in the background.

Training the camwhoring with Aileen.

Tracy’s poker face, apparently.

Christmas, anyone?

That’s Ellie playing with the new camera, by the way. YES, ITS RED.

Obviously by the end of the night, The Keeper was gone (due to sleep deprivation)

Just want to make one last shout out to Ellie. Sorry about FFKing you in the afternoon! The camera shopping took a bit longer than I expected.

Here’s to you:

Ellie’s flower. Looks pretty damn good!